Okay there are many facts and opinions in this video and they cross over many times but the conversation is a good. The big problem I face is how to budget my health with 2 cancers that while they are in remission are still part of my life.
I am obese not because I don’t like healthy food or can’t cook. It started in highschool stressed and terrified of dealing with the outside world that I shut myself up in my room and ate comfort food. That continued until it was my normal and I was a very active person up until highschool started for me. The bullying took so much out of me that I just had a hard time enjoying learning. This developed a trend in my life of going out in the world to work or school then coming home and eating comfort food. I became obese and it was preventable but I lacked the knowledge to ask for help and to know what the problem was. The cost to solve that now is medical procedures and my cancers were not caused by my obesity they were caused by my body breaking down due to the lack of support I had to take care of myself. My ‘self’ was crying for help and I did not know how to solve it before it became a problem because our idea with health care did not know how to handle the fact that I was Unhappy. I spent years unhappy and when you are unhappy you fill your body up with advertized happy solution that are not focused on health but increasing money in someone elses pocket. Our quick solutions are not healthy but they could be if we were taught and could make them a desire, trend, and social benefit.
Sigh I guess this is what I am saying I don’t like being sick all the time and I want supportive health care.
Yup it’s the last week in January and all I can think about having a real garden to plant in this year. We are going to have drought conditions in most places and strange wildfires in California and Oregon currently. There are other things trying to distract me like the Syrian conflict, shootings in the U.S., the Winter Olympics but with all of the problems out there I just want to grow something.
I was asking my friend about her gardening plans and she let me know about another friend who was looking to split some seeds and order through the same company. She also said that another person was wanting to do a Start exchange. So of course I went crazy and created a spreadsheet in about an hour and copied and pasted planting and seeds for the right month and dreaming up this great network.
After taking a few bits to the grinding stone with the input of some folks my spreadsheet was done. I think my crazy was a bit too much but I am just so excited about having a garden this year and not just pots. My hope is that I can just get a few things to grow and that I can harvest a 3rd of what I can put in the ground.
Good luck everyone and never let anyone tamp down your excited feelings about gardening if you do it will never grow.
Apparently I need to get a Purrsonal trainer to get in shape. Thank goodness for cats and dogs everywhere helping us humans get healthy enough to take care of them.
Where I was I won’t tell but rest assured that it is better that way because now I have the room to play.
Yes I totally was gone in the style of falling off the planet but I am back and I am better focused. I have so many stories I want to write about and things to share but I have to take it slowly because I am a bit overloaded and I want to give my best to this blog.
I went to the hospital today and I have had this thought before but I really enjoy going to almost any of the Providence offices in the area. They are kind and they are always working on ways to improve. I had to be stuck 6 times in the past 4 days for medical tests and blood work but don’t worry it is all routine for my world every 6 months. It is just always tedious dealing with being stabbed with a needle and painful, after the first couple of times the pain is just routine. I had not wanted to ever deal with hospitals but it is something I look forward too in a strange way now.
I look forward to it because the hospitals are always accommodating and are on the lookout for discomfort and stress with me. I can cry great waterfalls and actually be comforted. It is like going to my Church I just joined. They are always kind and they do work at being comforting to me. I really do need to support and I dislike feeling vulnerable and I fight it every way but I do feel like when I am at church or the hospital I can relax and actually show my stress and fears.
Thank you Providence for being a wonderful system and thank you Ascension Church for making me feel supported.
I began my walking of 5Ks to help myself be motivated to put myself mind, body and soul into a space where I could be part of the world in a better way. My first 5K was only accomplished by my friends Lisa and Megan from work sticking with me the whole way. During the shamrock run I was alone and it was hard to keep on keeping on. I honestly had no one there and I wasn’t aware of how much I needed the emotional support of someone there keeping me motivated. But I people in the events that support me while I am there and I realized why. The challenge is emotional and an exercise in facing obstacles right in front of you.
When people see me at the events they are filled with pride that I have taken up the challenge that they did and they connect with me. I am not alone when I walk or train I am one of thousands and that makes what I do matter. Walking is as much of a challenge as fighting cancer because in many ways it is the same fight. I know that the Boston Marathon bombings happened on Monday but today I began to cry because I understood and connected with it.
When I walk it is about getting to the end but what happens on the journey hurts and rips away at the things holding me back and changes me every step of the way. I feel pride, lost, embarrassment, determination, joy, pain, happy, and sometimes lonely other times awkward and I always feel fear of not making it to the finish line. It is unlikely I will ever get to participate in a marathon but I am hoping that I will continue to meet the challenges I set for myself.
Thank you so much for all of the support everyone has given me and I am hoping you will continue because I need it.
Valentine Run Portland
Please join me on my team “swiss misss” or sponsor me on this my first 5k walk that I will be doing.