I happen to be one of those wonderful fat people in America and it’s not easy but it is there and it cannot be hidden.
Having a weight that makes you think about the effect you have on the world you interact with creates a very different view point. I look at clothing differently along with cooking, cleaning, bathing, walking, biking, relaxing, and my friends.
I react to everything physically in a very cautious way and the same is true of others when they see me. Seating space is a problems often and I will grab floor space to not take up so much room. The problem with that is it hurts my body to be on the floor but I emotionally don’t like asking folks to get up for me to be not in pain. People don’t want to make me feel bad because of my weight but making it a impolite topic to create incorrect ideas about a person. There have been many studies showing that people just react badly to a fat person and we treat them with less kindness than a drunk sometimes.
My cancers Melanoma and Thyroid have made it difficult as well to manage my weight and I get many pity looks. Honestly I like the pity sometimes because the emotional weight of all of the cancer, arthritis, and baggage of not being the hero for others is a heavy load.
It is difficult for me to exercise because I have osteoarthritis and it has caused me to stop participating in the 5K walks I enjoy so much. I love to cook delightful meals that are fantastic and healthy but I lack the strength and stamina to prepare anything. For that matter just going shopping for food is difficult with the pain in my knees and back.
Sharing this with my readers makes me feel awkward because I want to do more and better for myself with regard to my weight. I am preparing my heart to be strong enough to get better and not allow size of the problem to out wit me.