In 8 days I will be going into surgery to repair the meniscal tear to my left knee that plagues me with pain. I have recently gotten a cane to help me with walking and my friend from church is letting me use a walker to help me move around. Things will be difficult for about a week while I heal but I have faith in my friends and in myself to manage my healing for a week. I must say I am excited to get this done because it means that I will be able to walk around more without the need of a cane as much.
My hope is that I can start walking again in 5Ks next year! But mostly I hope that I can enjoy taking a walk in the park again.
Today I was able to walk a mile and yes there was pain and huffing a puffing but I made it through. I am hoping that I can keep this up because I will get back on track for my 5k walks. It feels like it has been longer than it has but I will get back to walking and I will cross the finish line.
I happen to be one of those wonderful fat people in America and it’s not easy but it is there and it cannot be hidden.
Having a weight that makes you think about the effect you have on the world you interact with creates a very different view point. I look at clothing differently along with cooking, cleaning, bathing, walking, biking, relaxing, and my friends.
I react to everything physically in a very cautious way and the same is true of others when they see me. Seating space is a problems often and I will grab floor space to not take up so much room. The problem with that is it hurts my body to be on the floor but I emotionally don’t like asking folks to get up for me to be not in pain. People don’t want to make me feel bad because of my weight but making it a impolite topic to create incorrect ideas about a person. There have been many studies showing that people just react badly to a fat person and we treat them with less kindness than a drunk sometimes.
My cancers Melanoma and Thyroid have made it difficult as well to manage my weight and I get many pity looks. Honestly I like the pity sometimes because the emotional weight of all of the cancer, arthritis, and baggage of not being the hero for others is a heavy load.
It is difficult for me to exercise because I have osteoarthritis and it has caused me to stop participating in the 5K walks I enjoy so much. I love to cook delightful meals that are fantastic and healthy but I lack the strength and stamina to prepare anything. For that matter just going shopping for food is difficult with the pain in my knees and back.
Sharing this with my readers makes me feel awkward because I want to do more and better for myself with regard to my weight. I am preparing my heart to be strong enough to get better and not allow size of the problem to out wit me.
I began my walking of 5Ks to help myself be motivated to put myself mind, body and soul into a space where I could be part of the world in a better way. My first 5K was only accomplished by my friends Lisa and Megan from work sticking with me the whole way. During the shamrock run I was alone and it was hard to keep on keeping on. I honestly had no one there and I wasn’t aware of how much I needed the emotional support of someone there keeping me motivated. But I people in the events that support me while I am there and I realized why. The challenge is emotional and an exercise in facing obstacles right in front of you.
When people see me at the events they are filled with pride that I have taken up the challenge that they did and they connect with me. I am not alone when I walk or train I am one of thousands and that makes what I do matter. Walking is as much of a challenge as fighting cancer because in many ways it is the same fight. I know that the Boston Marathon bombings happened on Monday but today I began to cry because I understood and connected with it.
When I walk it is about getting to the end but what happens on the journey hurts and rips away at the things holding me back and changes me every step of the way. I feel pride, lost, embarrassment, determination, joy, pain, happy, and sometimes lonely other times awkward and I always feel fear of not making it to the finish line. It is unlikely I will ever get to participate in a marathon but I am hoping that I will continue to meet the challenges I set for myself.
Thank you so much for all of the support everyone has given me and I am hoping you will continue because I need it.
I got up early and went to my swimming hole just to find it was all that I had hoped it would be. There was a surprize when swam laps for 30 mins and that was me being sore and tired. This was all the good sort of sore and tired and I actually have to correct that I was sore and energized and my body was tired but it also had energy to spare. So I will be going again tomorrow morning since I survived the first day.
While I rinsed a great deal after my swimmy time I still smelled of chlorine and my hair became statically charged. I am thinking I am going to want to cut my hair to better manage simming being in my life now. Anyone want to help me cut my hair?
Oh all this swimming is to build up my stamina on my 5K walks and to get my muscles working without killing my joints.
Okay I went on another 5K this past weekend and visited my family to make some wonderful memories. My time matched the Shamrock Run 1:35 and I am happy about that because while it was difficult I am doing well. Linda my aunt was wonderful because I don’t think I could have made it without her support. My cousin Emily ran it in 26 mins so that is impressive and I am very proud of her. Because of when I registered a shirt was not included so I picked up shirts there for both Emily and myself. The shirts are very nicely made with material that wicks sweat away from your body and is lightweight for comfort. I will be wearing this likely on my next 5K walk and speaking of that I will be posting the info on my next one very soon. Please sponsor me and get a personal letter from me before and after the 5K.