Some folks know the pain I have in my day to day life and how exhausting it is for me. Others may simply read about it from time to time but it is a real thing in my life. The nice thing is that I can make that less pain if I remember to drink my water, take my meds, and take pain killers.
Sadly I am not good at any of these things. It is not like I am trying to hurt myself it’s just that there is this mental block to remembering that these things are vital to me being able even function day to day. Sees silly right? It is actually terrifying to forget any one of these things because of the amount of pain I have to manage when I forget them. This is partly due to my pride I have discovered because I did not have to deal with any sort of medication as a child. I in fact hated taking anything for anything because pills were just gross as my mother can tell you.
Last week I had a hard time with just about everything in my life and my pain levels where such that I really was only able to lay in bed and sleep. It had started on Monday and I left work early and saw my doctor who prescribed me a new pill. I really wanted a pain killer but I was too afraid to ask for it.. yes I was afraid because I always worry about what someone might think of me. But I didn’t get pain killers so I manage my pain by mostly sleeping and not really moving much for about 4 days. Now I got out of the house a bit on Wednesday and that was really hard because I had let a person borrow my car. I got it back and packed up things for staying over night at a friends house but I forgot my “Machine” so I had to go back home at the end of hanging out. This turned out to be okay for me even thought I really was needing to get away from life at home. The next day I slept past my appointment with a new therapist and she was able to reschedule for later and by later I mean like 45 mins later. It was a mad dash for the appointment and I was late still because of traffic and not knowing where I was going.
By the way I cried at just about every meeting with someone that I spoke with last week it was really embarrassing. From emotional to physical pain I was just done for until Friday I finally did not feel the pain. Well not as much anyway and I was able to freely walk down the stairs without fighting back tears. I felt so good my mind kept saying “do a cartwheel, don’t you remember how cool a cartwheel feels? DO IT!” I did not do a cartwheel because I am smarter than the 11 yr old jerk in my head to know I am not yet ready for that physically.
Today I forgot my water and all of my meds so I am in pain right now but I am feeling emotionally really good. But I need some water and my meds to kick in so I can manage a bit better.
Thanks for reading my rant about my life last week. Good luck!