The ocean awaits

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I think I’ve decided what I would like for my remains when I am done with this crazy life stuff.  I was looking up some cool Science stuff today because I was well not doing anything better and found a story about new stuff you can do when you are dead.   You can become mushroom food or be launched into space but I think I like the Memorial Reef idea I found.  

http://eternalreefs.com/memorial-reefs/  Basicly they take your ashes and put that into a concreat mix to build a coral reef structure with a plaque stating your info. Anyway if I ever die and have no idea what to do with the body assuming you haven’t killed me and are needing to destroy the evidence.. (I’ll be watching for your assassins) I think this would be a good option for me. 

Anyway have a fun day everyone and don’t die it’s not as cool as it is in the movies or books. 

Lost at sea

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I have been feeling sick and lacking energy lately and everything I want to write seems like depressing but then I realized while I am working hard on a new project I am depressed.  Depression is controlling and it is sneaky because I am so protective of my image of being able to do everything it is hard for people to see a way to help if they want.  

A few things that I am sad about I feel I should just get out there and outside of me so that people can give me feedback.  I often hate feedback because I know that just means I will have some sort of work to do and while I am not afraid of hard work things are already difficult so I fear the feedback at times. 

I am sad that everyone in my family that I could turn to for a place to live has said no they won’t take me in. This is something I knew before I asked that I would be turned down but I am filled with fear often that I don’t have a place that is stable in my life that I can turn to for support. The place where I am at has a lovely garden that has inspired me to become a gardener and start my seed bank project but it is far away from help. It’s also a bit more that I can manage even if it is just a studio but with all of my medical crap I feel overwhelmed.  I fear asking for help and when I have told my family their response is “oh but you are doing so well you don’t need any help.”  I do need help and always expect to be turned down when I ask for it.  My church family has been amazing and they have been great but I still feel ashamed and terrified that I ask too much.  

What I would ask for if I could get out of the way of myself is laundry, cooking, cleaning, editing my writing, hugs, conversations, money balancing, building bookshelves, random projects that need a drill or a electric screwdriver, and I am sure there is more.  I have a hard time with the laundry and while nobody like chores but I don’t have a washer/dryer that is in my place and that makes it hard.  I get tired and depressed and that just seems like too much at times and I would love to just call up a friend like once or twice a week and say hey can you bring me a meal and I will return the favor.  I love cooking and I am a good cook and baker but being in the kitchen at times is overwhelming and that has been happening more and more over the years. Overwhelming to the point where I often eat my meals from fast food and that is depressing on so many levels.  The response I get when I tell people this is shock and disappointment like I have failed them personally and that I am just a bad person for this failing.  That is why I don’t tell people I don’t like feeling like a bad person when I already I know that I don’t want the fast food diet but the kitchen needs to be cleaned, because I wasn’t feeling well the last time I cooked and it was too much for me to finish cleaning up 2 weeks ago and I haven’t been able to touch it since. That sucks the money out of my pocket and I feel worse and the 2 weeks of depression that kept me from cleaning up the kitchen turns into another 2 weeks. The kitchen is not horrible, there is no food rotting but the counters need to be wiped down and the dishes like my few forks and spoons need cleaning and the pan that has been mostly cleaned for a week or more just hasn’t had the sponge taken to it and then rinced.  The rubber scraper, bowls, plates are all rinsed off but not cleaned.  And while it would only take me 20 mins to clean up it is difficult in my world to find the energy to accomplish. 

These are not the problems of most people but after 2 different cancers, several surgeries, arthritis, pre diabetes, anemia, obesity, vitamin D deficient, constant pain, the fact that I have major depression isn’t surprising. Most people have great helpful things to say but they are mostly things that I would love to do but have a hard time getting there.  I mostly feel unsafe about the future and insecure about my living situation. My mother helped me so much with money last year but this year I was really depressed and I fell behind in my payments for my Honda and it was repossessed for a few days until I got things fixed she said she felt like she should have never sent me money. She was disappointed in me and felt I needed help but I had told her that I was depressed and falling behind in things and I wanted help.  My trust that I have any help grew smaller that day and made me feel like I cannot turn to her if my medical bills and health declines to where I can’t solve things on my own again. She is a good person but she just cannot help me because she can’t understand my need for help but she has always done what she thought was best.  I have always done what I have thought was best too but it’s hard on my own.  

I do want a place of my own where I feel safe, comfortable, and most important manageable. My place currently is okay but I am not able to manage it well even though it’s not much to most eyes. My overwhelming fear of having no place safe and secure to turn to fills me up to the point where I just can’t seem to get anything done.  I am currently looking for a solution in the form of an RV that nobody can take away from me and that I can make it my space of security. I don’t know if that is the solution but it feels closer than anything else in front of me currently. 

This post is a long but is the truth of my depression, feelings and health currently.  I hope everyone is well and good and feels safe today. 

Coffee is a beautiful thing

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Quick story about the coffee pot that decided to break and in turn broke my heart because there was not coffee.  I thought maybe it was the caffeine but after trying to calm my pained mind I got a few energy drinks but it just wasn’t the same.  It led me to keep making coffee runs while I was out and I normally don’t do that and so I walked into the store in pursuit of a new pot. My search high and low of the place left me wondering if they just don’t want me to have a new pot but a whole new machine. 

I begin pondering about just getting a new machine but realized that was just dumb because I had a perfectly good machine I just needed the pot.  But as my search was ending without any results of a new pot I kept thinking of a new machine but my eyes found a french press.  This idea of getting a french press had it’s appeal because I could have pot that could handle tea and coffee and I only ever drink 2 cups of anything.  Then I realized that I could save myself a step in my morning breakfast of oatmeal but boiling water for the coffee and breakfast at the same time.  Brilliant and finally I put the french press in my basket and went to the check out.  

This morning I am having my cup of coffee and oatmeal and I have to say I feel so good about my choice.  The coffee is different and not in a bad way but I do want to now start getting some better coffee because the flavor seems to be more of a factor with the french press.  So I am happy that I broke my coffee pot and had to search for a new option. 

I hope everyone has a beautiful day and that it is filled with something that gets you going in a positive direction. 

Learning, testing, and wisdom happened this week

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I have been desperately working on my Garden with Moxie project to build a mobile seed bank and garden center.  A few weeks back I ordered and then installed a hitch receiver and a wiring harness for my CR-V and that was a fun thing to work on and get done.  I did this because I needed to be able to get more things done and moved around.  When I was searching on craigslist I found a trailer with a camper attached to it for a good price so last Sunday I was able to pick it up.  I was only able to tow it to my friends house because my CR-V just wasn’t that strong and I needed new tires.  I ended up renting a U-haul truck and then I proceeded to spend the night moving the trailer to a friends house in Beaverton.  I learned that I am a badass with a trailer and that all of my instincts are spot on for moving a ton or more down the road. 

All that  moving around of the trailer cost me a day of sleep so Wednesday was a wash but I recovered well.  Then Thursday I had to help a friend deal with a awkward roommate tenant that was smoking in their house.  Then Friday I went out to Vancouver and hung out with a friend whom I haven’t seen in 5 years.  All and all this past week has just taken more than I expected of me and I delivered. 

Epsom Salt is for the win

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Epsom salt is comprised of hydrated magnesium sulfate, a naturally occurring mineral first found in the well waters of Epsom, England. Epsom salt has a variety of home remedy applications – the two most widely known being as a saline laxative and pain reliever. What many people don’t realize is that Epsom salt also has several uses in organic gardening.

 

1. Improve Seed Germination

Using Epsom salt as a soil amendment before seeding will give your garden a powerful boost right from the start. Magnesium aids in seed germination and helps to strengthen cell walls, leading to more and stronger seedlings. For best results, incorporate 1 cup of salt per 100 square feet of tilled soil or mix 1 – 2 tablespoons into the soil at the bottom of each hole before dropping in seeds.

2. Increase Nutrient Absorption

Many commercial fertilizers add magnesium to help plant roots take up vital nutrients (nitrogen, phosphorus, sulfur.) For those using all organic materials to feed their gardens, adding Epsom salt to soil will improve absorption naturally, eliminating the need for processed chemical fertilizers.

3. Counter Transplant Shock

We’ve all seen how our plants and seedlings wilt when we move them from a small pot to a larger one, from indoors to outside, or from greenhouse to ground. Try feeding transplants with Epsom salt once they’re in their new environment to help injured roots overcome transplant shock. Remember to add a layer of soil on top of salt sprinkled in holes so roots don’t come into direct contact with these concentrated minerals right away.

4. Green Up Foliage

Plants that aren’t getting enough magnesium can be identified by their yellowing leaves. This is because magnesium is an essential component in the production of chlorophyll. Try sprinkling Epsom salt around your plants to achieve healthier foliage. About 1 tablespoon per 12 inches of height once a month will benefit the plants in your vegetable garden, as well as any trees, shrubs, flowers and grasses you want to green up.

 

5. Prevent Leaf Curling

Prevent Leaf Curling with Epsom SaltLeaf curling may also be caused by magnesium-deficiency in plants. Again, add Epsom salt to the soil around the base of the sick plant. Alternately, for faster absorption you can mix 2 tablespoons of Epsom salt in a gallon of water and apply directly to the leaves.

6. Deter Garden Pests

While Epsom salt won’t dehydrate slugs and snails like table salt (sodium chloride), it can still be used to deter pests. Hydrated magnesium sulfate crystals are sharp and when sprinkled around plants, they can scratch and irritate the bodies and feet of unwanted critters in much the same way as diatomaceous earth. (Keep in mind that Epsom salt dissolves very easily in water, thus any amount of rain will likely wash them away.)

7. Grow Sweeter Fruit

The production of fruiting bodies is the most taxing process in the life cycle of a plant. Apply Epsom salt to fruit and nut trees, bushes, and vines using the same methods and quantities stated above to boost chlorophyll levels inside the plant cells. Increased energy means more sugar, allowing the plant to produce higher yields of sweeter, healthier fruit.

8. Tastier Tomatoes

Grow Tastier Tomatoes with Epsom SaltTomato vines are one of a handful of common garden residents whose fruit to plant size ratio is heavier than average, leading to an even higher likelihood of magnesium-deficiency. For this reason, tomatoes should be fed Epsom salt twice as often as other plants. Also, because tomato vines are prone to calcium-deficiency (blossom end rot), the majority of tomato fertilizers contain calcium which will compete with magnesium for root absorption. Therefore, foliar feeding is the more efficient method for delivering magnesium to these plants. Water tomato vines with dissolved Epsom salt – 2 tablespoons per gallon of water, every 2 weeks.

9. More Plentiful Peppers

Peppers are another popular garden plant with a higher-than average fruit to plant size ratio. As such, they should also be fed magnesium every two weeks to achieve higher yields of larger fruits. For hot peppers, over-watering can lead to fruit with less heat, thus the soil amendment method may be preferable in this case. Sprinkle 1 tablespoon of Epsom salt for every foot of height around the drip line of your pepper plants once per week.

10. Beautiful, Bountiful Roses

Get Beautiful Roses with Epsom SaltEver wonder why your neighbors’ rose bushes are fuller than yours and sport so many more blossoms? It is highly likely that the answer is Epsom salt. Not only does it help roses to produce larger blossoms in greater numbers, many successful rosarians will agree that magnesium also aids in the growth of new canes from the base of the plant. And of course, Epsom salt increases chlorophyll production meaning darker leaves. For maximum benefit, roses should at the least be fed with Epsom salt at time of planting, then again at the first sign of new growth, and once more when the flowers are in full bloom. Bare root roses may also be soaked in water containing dissolved Epsom salt before planting.

It is almost impossible to use too much Epsom salt in your garden. Magnesium sulfate is pH neutral, so it won’t harm your soil. The crystals break down into water, magnesium, and sulfur – three components which are beneficial in some way to most plants. Epsom salt is safe, easy to apply, and works fast to correct a variety of problems and increase the overall health of your garden. As if that weren’t enough, Epsom salt is also inexpensive making it one of the most perfect tools for the health-conscious, responsible gardener.

Find the original article.

In search of humble educated politics..

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As far as I can tell most public leaders do some good in their lifetime and their intent is good.  I always support our president because that is what you do and if there are policies I don’t like then I don’t support them.  I support having a good discussion in politics.  If politicians can’t have a good discussion then there is something wrong with their support system.  Nobody is going to get everything they want in politics and that is good but you should get something that can work for most.  That is the point of governing and making policy it needs to work well enough so the whole can thrive.  We are always going to have special interest come up that affect policy and that sometimes needs to happen because in everything there are cracks.  

Cracks that people fall through and need additional attention.   If there are a few that get special attention that do not support the greater whole then I can’t support that.  In the situation where the laws allow us to look at cooperation like people then those corporation should not have shareholders.  I think if you are going to be involved with a company then be involved and you should just collect a check and the company should work for their employees first from the president to the office staff.  Growth is a great thing but not if you don’t work for everyone and not just a minor few that don’t give back to the greater good.  

Our economy, social standing, education, and technologies are vastly different from even 10 years ago and our policies need to keep up with that.  I think every situation is complicated in these areas so a discussion has to happen without pulling out a large paint brush that is loaded with ideas from past that aren’t relevant.  Keep to the facts from science and trust the institutions that give you that information but supporting the sciences so that corporations don’t have too.  Trust that someone in a different political party still has the intent of good for the whole and let that trust and the facts guild you.  

Every politician should be familiar and visit all areas that they have been asked to govern and they don’t not need to be of the people but they do have to work for the people.  Education is key more than connections and money for being able to work with people and for the people.  This rant is about all the snipy simple posters I see flying around online that ignore the need for science, discussion, and  the greater good is a complicated process.  If anyone says it is simple they are lying to you when it comes to politics and should not be listed too.  Everything that is important take hard work, educated discussions, humility, and action.

 

Moxie the great Hunter

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Here the great hunter has the humming bird cornered in the apartment. Garden&BIrd 006

 

I am attempting to convince her that if she does not get out of the way and let me take the bird outside she won’t get any treats for a weak.  

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Finally I was able to get her to listen to reason and so she backed off and let me in to take care of the humming bird.  Moxie was very proud of herself and was very excited at her prize so she let me take photos for a trophy since I told her she couldn’t have it mounted on the wall. Garden&BIrd 009

But here is the humming bird back outside and out of Moxie’s reach for the time being.  She has become a great hunter since we started gardening together. Nightly she will bring moths in to show me how awesome she is as a hunter.  I guess with a name like Moxie she can’t be help it.Garden&BIrd 010

Heidy’s Hawaii: Tire Swing Triumph

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Hey everyone I have finally got some stories done that I’ve been working on for a while.  I am going to start sharing them with you and feel free to tell me what you think.  

 

Tire Swing Triumph

        I was 7 at the time.  I could keep up with the boys when it came climbing trees, hunting down toads, bugs and worms.  When you are one of the few girls in a neighborhood and actually younger than most of the boys, the boys go first so you learn to get awesome. I refused to think they were better.  I also found out they had a big weak point between their legs.  I used this knowledge to my advantage if they got pushy.  I won’t say that was a good idea but when they wanted to play the boys are better than girls game I was not ashamed of winning by kicking where it hurt.  Some of them didn’t like that but for the most part I got more respect by standing up and taking no prisoners when it came to boys vs girls.
        When my father decided to put a tire swing in the mango tree behind our house I was excited but so were the boys.  It took about two days to get the rope up the tree (this thing was huge!) tied securely with knots for climbing and the tire positioned at just the correct height.  My dad knew I was a good climber and wanted to go up the rope just as much as the boys did.  He held a ceremony of sorts and let all the boys try to reach the top of the tree. My father let the boys go first and that made me angry for a few reasons.  One, it was behind OUR house.  Two, I knew I was just as strong of a climber as the boys.  Three, I wanted to be the best and hated going last. Okay, that’s four.
Mango trees are tall and the rope was tied as high as my dad could secure it so it was a long climb. One by one we watched their attempts and failures to reach the goal. Finally it was my turn.  I could hear some of the boys saying I couldn’t make it because they couldn’t.  I was actually worried when I saw that no one was able to make it to the top but I had been climbing trees all summer and my calloused hands were up for the challenge.  Inch by inch I flew up the rope to the tree branch faster than I was expecting and touched it by way of a smack.  I could hear some of boys cheering and some groaning and I looked down to see my father beaming.